This Sunday will be the first Mother’s Day I get to celebrate with a baby in my arms. I have dreamed of being a mom all of my life, and in some ways, it’s still hard to believe my dream has finally become a reality. I spent so many Mother’s Days trying to forget the day even existed. Going to church only resulted in fighting back tears as I watched baby dedications, and was constantly reminded that I still was not a mom…even after all of my efforts.
If you can relate, then I’m writing this for you. I have been in your shoes, and know how hard it is when the one thing you want more than anything in this world remains missing from your life. I have cried more tears than I can count, screamed at God in anger, begged God to fulfill my request, collapsed in my husband’s arms each month for years, and continually asked one question throughout it all…why me.
These two words haunted me over these painful years. I didn’t understand how the God of mercy and love would allow so much pain to be poured onto His child, and leave a very Godly desire unfulfilled.
But the truth comes from His word…
“Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” John 16:20
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
“He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.” Psalm 145:19
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” Proverbs 16:9
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
His word reminds us that no matter how things look in the given moment, He sees the big picture, knows our future, and has it all in His hands. It assures us that if we stay focused on Him, trust in His plan, His timing, and His way that He will turn our grief to joy. It’s a promise that we can hold true to even when we don’t understand how or when that promise will be fulfilled. Shortly after learning about my pregnancy, a pastor said during his sermon that everyone wants a miracle, but they don’t want to go through the trial that requires a miracle to happen.
They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back on it all now I can see that I wasn’t forgotten. He saw my pain, each tear that fell, and His heart broke with mine. His heart broke because He knew He was going to fulfill my dream in a way I never imagined was possible, but He also knew it would take some time. He knew I needed to go through the pain, learn the life lessons that only infertility would teach me, provide me with the opportunity to use my pain to reach others for Him, and learn to release everything including my dream of being a mom to Him. This was my trial which required a miracle. I had been told by doctors a pregnancy was no longer an option. The doors to adoption had been closed. But in the end it was this trying time that would be required before my miracle could happen. He was going to line everything up perfectly to knock my socks off when He finally did reveal His plan, fulfill my dream, and do it all while surpassing my wildest expectations.
So if you find yourself having a hard time, struggling with the unknown, and desperate for an answer to your prayers…please know you are not alone and that God is with you. Keep your eyes focused on Him. Look for ways to use your pain to help others. Surrender your life, your dreams, and everything you have each day to Him. Because even though you may not feel Him, see Him, or hear Him, He is next to you, patiently waiting, and excited to reveal His work in His perfect time. I promise He has not forgotten you, and will one day fulfill your Godly desire in a way that only He can.