Finding Hope in the Holidays

The holidays can be tough for anyone struggling with infertility, so I wanted to offer a post of hope to those having a hard time right now. No matter where you’ve been, or what’s come along your path, now is the time to release it all.

Strength — This past year has brought growth to your life and made you stronger for the experiences that have come along the way. Whether you received your infertility diagnosis, went through fertility treatments, began exploring or entering the adoption process, or have taken a break from it all to reevaluate your situation, you have grown through each step and should be proud of how far you’ve come. If you look back at it all, I bet you have learned something new this year or have seen something in a new way. These experiences have not defeated you but have made you stronger, brought you insight and can help guide you as you make decisions for your future.

Thanksgiving — No matter how grim things may look, I bet you can look around and see many blessings in your life. I know it is much easier to look at what we’re missing rather than what we have, but it’s so important to focus on the many blessings we currently have in our life and enjoy them as we wait and hope for the future. Just because our life may not be where we had envisioned it does not mean we should lose all hope and praise. Make a list of the things you are thankful for, no matter how big or small they may be, and keep that list close, so when things seem tough, you can be reminded of the joy that’s currently in your life.

Reconciliation — Infertility can take a lot out of relationships. It is such an emotional and personal battle that feelings, marriages and friendships can be wounded in its path. If this has happened to you, take a moment to reconnect with those you love. Let them know you want a fresh start and seek reconciliation.

Miracles — Miracles do happen, but we have to open our eyes, ears and hearts to them. They may not always be the miracle we want or think we deserve, but if we keep an open mind we may just find a miracle we weren’t expecting.

Beginnings — With the holidays come new beginnings. Whatever negative things have happened this past year, you can leave them behind as a memory of what you’ve survived and allow them to serve as a reminder of how much you’ve grown. This is the time to embrace the New Year and give yourself a fresh start and outlook. Take this time to concentrate on the good things that come along and to make the most of each day finding something to be thankful for.

Rediscovering My Infertile Voice

I’ve had a hard time writing recently, so I decided to take a break, and go through an old journal in hopes of finding something new. I was hoping to read about going through a certain fertility treatment process, but instead found something better.

I found an entry dated from April 12, 2010. In it I wrote about possibly starting a blog. Below is my entry/prayer.

“Should I start a blog? What am I meant to do? These are questions that have lingered in my mind for quite some time. I have a story to tell, but don’t know how to share it, who to share it with or if anyone will listen. Is it arrogant of me to think I am in a place to lead, guide, or help others struggling? I’m not where I want to be, still have my bad days, and have no clue as to what Your plan is for my future. And yet there is something inside of me that is ready to get it out.

So many women battle infertility in silence. I hate that there is no true safe haven for them. No place they can share their deepest, darkest fears, hurts and doubts. I would love to establish a place they can go to and see they’re not alone. A place they can find peace and hopefully a place they can find You.

The question is, am I qualified for such a task? Am I willing to be exposed to those I want to reach as well as to the world? How would this affect my husband, and the private moments we’ve had together? There are so many unanswered questions and unknowns.

So I leave them with you, Lord. Lead me wherever you want me to go. Teach me what you want me to learn. Open not only my eyes and heart, but my husband’s eyes and heart to what Your will is. I’m Your’s to use. Open doors to places you want me to go, and make Your way known.

I love you, Lord.
Me”

I didn’t tell anyone about my thoughts of writing a blog, and haven’t shared this journal entry until today. But shortly after writing this I began receiving inquiries from friends about starting an infertility blog. They had no clue I had secretly struggled with this decision, but I felt God was using them to reveal His answer. I finally decided to ask my husband what he thought. I knew that exposing my thoughts on our journey and our struggle of infertility would also be exposing him and some of the private moments we have inside our marriage. I wasn’t sure how he would feel about this, and knew I didn’t want to begin such a personal blog without his full blessing.

We were heading home from hiking on a Saturday morning, when I finally let it out. I told him I had been thinking about starting an infertility blog, and a few people had recently asked if I had considered it. I asked him what he thought, and will never forget his words. He said if I wanted to start a blog, then I should make sure I did it well. He suggested I put time, thought and effort into it. He said I should post regularly so it wouldn’t become stale, and encouraged me to move forward. My husband is amazing. He has put up with a lot, and loved me through it all.

On June 16, 2010, I finally published my first blog post, and since then, I have received countless comments and emails thanking me for sharing my story, putting their feelings into words and let me know how they were comforted by reading an entry on a very tough day. I have received personal emails explaining how God used a certain post to speak to them, and have been constantly encouraged to keep it up. What started out as a simple blog grew into something I never dreamed would become reality. My blog expanded through social media reaching people around the world. It received a top blog award, and turned into a professional blog when I was asked to join Fertility Authority’s team of professional bloggers, and none of this would have been possible without God’s leading and direction.  It reminds me how He can and will do amazing things if we just continue to release things back to Him. He found a way to transform the most painful part of my life into something that is good, has used my story to speak to others, and has brought me comfort and healing through the process.

So even though I’ve taken a break from blogging, I hope you’ll pick back up with me now that I’ve returned. I think breaks are good, and we all need to take them at some point, but it’s important to not let it linger and to keep on pressing on.